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Meet Julie An Ex-Prostitute Finds Her Truth Life-Purpose: Tto personify intuitive creativity and change more than minds through work contributions. Evokateur changes futures. Evokateur /Evokateur/ Philosopher Profile boss: Evokateur

Julie watches her three year-old daughter, Morgan, sleep in her bed and feels the love all mothers know. But Julie's affection transcends even that, for had it not been for Morgan she would likely still be a New Orleans prostitute. Or maybe even dead. And as her daughter's peaceful smile suggests thoughts of Saint Nick and his sleigh, Julie quietly vows her little girl will never know the self-doubt that led her mother to a life of desperate depravity. Julie grew up in a rural community in the Midwestern United States in what could easily be described as a good home. She was obsessed with knowledge and found it in books, which helped her impress the adults around her. She avoided other children, because they thought her odd and ridiculed her. With social skills lacking, she refused invitations to birthday parties and became even more introspective.

At Christmas when she was six years old, Julie recalled that she was determined she had seen Santa Claus jump from their roof and enter her front door. "I still very clearly remember the red glow and hearing a 'thump, thump, thump' on the roof." Other children on her school bus mocked her, however, and she escaped through her books.

She discovered a love for music and began playing clarinet, taking the solo position with her high school orchestra as a freshman. Julie competed at the state level and won, which led to an invitation to join a prestigious, big city youth symphony. But the scent of success was too much for her, and she declined, a decision she later regretted.

Calculus and physics were her next challenges. She developed mathematical theories of time travel and so impressed teachers that she was made to feel like an eccentric genius at her high school's scholarship assembly. The attention both pleased and troubled her, and she began experiencing emotional and personality problems. Academic challenges mounted. Colleges everywhere wanted Julie, including M.I.T. But only a small school in New Mexico offered her a full scholarship, so she moved away from home for the first time.

Never comfortable with people her own age, Julie had great difficulty with relationships. She met a young man in New Mexico who nursed her back to health following a bout with mononucleosis, and she felt obligated to him. Pregnancy, abortion, and depression followed, and her grades fell. She quit school and moved to Nashville with him, then back home, then to Alabama. She says she knew the relationship was wrong but was powerless to do anything about it. In November of 1995, it collapsed and she moved back home alone. That winter she nearly died in an overdose of sleeping pills and was diagnosed manic-depressive. She drifted into a constant manic state and made a decision that nearly cost her life.

"I got bored and closed my eyes and pointed to a map and said, 'This is where I'm going next!"

She ended up in New Orleans sleeping in her car until she met a pimp who offered shelter. "I worked strip clubs. It was what I wanted. I wanted to experience total depravity, and I found it. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted to get lower. I lost all my inhibitions. To me, this lifestyle was just fine." She admits she didn't fit in with the other dancers, but she pressed on. The money was good, and she quickly learned how she could make more by turning tricks with the customers of the strip club.

"I turned tricks all day, every day for 3 months. Drugs kept me going, and I fed off the depravity."

Her old boyfriend showed up at her birthday party that summer and Julie found herself pregnant for the second time by him. Two months later and unaware of the baby inside her, Julie's body chemistry changed. Her brain cleared, and she found herself asking, "What am I doing here?" She sought help from her parents, but only her father would respond. He outlined a course of action, and Julie moved home to have her baby, find work and go back to school.

The tendency to put herself in harm's way and her distrust of everything and everybody showed up the first time she took the Ansir test. "I tested Extremist/Evokateur/Sentinel the first time around, but when I read the book, there were too many things that didn't fit," she said. "Then I sat there in front of the computer and said, 'Who are you trying to impress? And why are you lying'?"' I suddenly realized that this person who'd shown up in the test was the person I had been living all those years, and she was not real but sombody I'd made up to protect myself." She took the test again with a different attitude and came out very differently.

"The Ansir test showed me how far I've really come in terms of being true to myself. You can put up all the false fronts you want, but do you really want to live your life like that? My test experience shows there's no need to lie to yourself or anyone else about who you are. Other life paths may seem more interesting or more flashy, but following other than your own truth can be anything from merely shallow to soul-killing. Trust me. I know!"

Julie has gone on to get her degree and is pursuing a career in neuropsychiatry. She's about to become a wife in addition to being a mom and is profoundly grateful that life has given her a second chance.

With visions of sugarplums dancing in her little head, Morgan sleeps and Julie watches, safe in the knowledge that her past is just that, past. Her daughter will never know the self-destructive genius she was, only the lessons she's learned. "She was my operative of fate," Julie announces. "She and we deserve the real me."

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